My.FresnoArts.net

Local Social Network for the Arts Community in Central Valley

OH how i love how both my rooms are decorated at my house's. both of them are equally me and not me. like stuck in time, stagnant, yet changing when i please. the thing is it's not like i have two of everything so that when i switch in between nothing is missed or oh i forgot that. living with my parents is decent: no hard back breaking labor, nearly everything is free, the yards are better than i'll probably ever get mine to look like. at that i've always wanted my own place--as soon as i understood you could move out and away from your parents i aspired to. for years i've romanticized on doing so, dreamed so hard and full heartedly, being hell bent to have walls that were mine to do whatever i wish with. it's not just that either. my things have been spread out my whole life between friends, lockers, homes, cubbies, and some other areas i wont mention. i just want everything to be in one place.. my books, my records, drums, guitars, my bedding, paintings, and posters, all the CDs and DVDs i've been gathering together for obvious entertainment(naturally), clothes, sewing machine, etc. i have already decided that for the next 15 months of my life i'm going to save up for first and last month's rent. i plan on living alone for a while, maybe taking room mates later on. before hand i'm going to sort through everything i have then sell whatever crap i can along with things i've made as soon as i find an appartment or house to call home. as for a job i'm applying to rite-aid. the store brings up nostalgia and has a fantastic selection. anyways, it really would be nice for this to actually happen since i don't want to live at home till i'm 25.

my mind has expanded!

IT'S strange, funny, weird maybe, how just making clothes or painting just opened me up. i feel like what seemed to be some sort of death choke avenue i'm on has opened up for new air to flow in--at least for now. i mean if i want another piece of clothing i can just make or alter something, should i be disatisfied with today's current fashion i can create my own clothing, jewlery, and accesories. as for painting i have so many images in my head and now i can finally put them out there. i have advanced art as an elective so not only is it expression but it's even more personal gain. there's pictures i wish i had taken, or want to change a bit, or smash a couple of them together crappily with the photoshop i have, i can now paint it, release my thoughts into the world, release this famliar image for other people to enjoy at the same time. as for writing? the fantasies and scenarios i wish would happen, the dreams and nightmares, the stories i've heard, the books i've read, the re-writes i so desperately wanted to happen, the characters i would love to slap, all that i can do myself. whether or not it's worth while to read is some pig-nosed person's job, such is with my clothes, accesories, and paintings. it doesn't matter to me though, i'm just glad the thoughts i couldn't verbally say are now out there expressed so eloquently.

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